Reclaiming our disowned parts – A Pathway to self-compassion

Nature and sunrise

Have you ever noticed different versions of yourself show up depending on any situation?

Maybe you have noticed that you might present a particular version of the ‘self’ at work, an entirely different version at home with your partner, and then another version as a friend, a parent, or a member of the community.

This is completely normal that we have different parts, and in fact, we present different parts of ourselves depending on the role we are navigating in various relationships, relationships to self, and within a broader social context.

In a sense, we are one person composed of the sum of their parts.

You may also notice that you have what we call ‘protector parts’. These parts can come online to help you navigate a difficult situation. Protector parts aim to keep us safe, and free from harm and protect us from ever re-experiencing times that were previously hurtful, traumatic, painful and or distressing.

Sometimes we may even feel torn or conflicted inside. Perhaps there is a part of us that wants to move towards change and another part of us that gets in the way of that. This internal conflict can leave us feeling lost, overwhelmed, hopeless, frustrated and even immersed in experiences of shame.
What we often find in parts work, is that our protectors can come online and be running the show, leaving us feeling like we don’t have control over what’s happening with our behaviours and the impact that they have on our lives.

Whilst we recognise that all parts have good intentions, parts can be problematic when they are left in the ‘driver seat’ so to speak.

An example may be an ‘inner critic part’ that seems relentless and won’t let up. Or perhaps you have a highly perfectionistic part that attempts to keep you from getting hurt but also gets in the way of you giving yourself moments of compassion.

We also have ‘firefighter parts’ which are more extreme and can act out in extreme ways to get our attention. As you can imagine, sometimes these parts can lead us to feel like we have lost control over our lives and can impact our emotional and psychological well-being.

Drawing on the work of systemic family therapist Dr Richard Schwartz, we can begin to find healing and resolution by working with our parts from a space of ‘self’, which means meeting them with curiosity and compassion, we can then begin to reclaim our power and learn more about healing ourselves, rather than struggling with them or trying to get rid of them.

Parts work can be profoundly transformational and offers us a roadmap to understanding how parts of ourselves have adapted to protect us in life, for good reason, and with a method forward to healing, helping those parts relax, so they can take on healthier roles, and so we can live a more fully integrated life.
If you would like to know more about your parts and how they impact you, reclaim your power and connect to curiosity with us here at www.phoenixconnectiontherapy.com.au